A Slow Fade

Tonight I want to talk about something that has really been placed on my heart recently.  I was at The Walk last wednesday where there was a guest speaker.  To be honest, I didn't really expect to feel anything differently than going to church every other week, but it was different.  He began to share his testimony and like any other..  His past was filled with drugs and alcohol and then he had a come to Jesus moment.  But what was different about his was that before he fell into that life of sin, he was in seminary and had been raised in the church his whole life.  He went on talking saying that it was a slow fade.  The first thing I thought about when he said those two words was the Casting Crowns song "Slow Fade".  This is the chorus: "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away.  It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray.  Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away.  People never crumble in a day, it's a slow fade."  That really hit me.  Because honestly, I can see how easy it is to make small choices that will lead to large problems in my life.  These small choices to not read my bible, to not journal, to not pray, and to not surround myself with positive influences cause me to begin to not feel convicted when thoughts go through my brain.  Like it says in the song, "It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray."  I feel like this is real in just about every aspect of my life.  Growing up and even until recently, choices have been very black and white.  I am either right or wrong, good or bad.  Now, I have started seeing things that would have been wrong and saying, "well it isn't that bad if I really think about ..".  This is why lately I've really been asking God for conviction.  I want to be convicted about not only my actions, but about my thoughts as well.  Because, if I am convicted in my thoughts, there is a less chance that I will follow through with my actions.  Just as importantly, help me not place judgement on people that sin in different ways than I do.  Just because I want to be convicted about my sins, does not mean that others want me convicting them.  It is so important to remember that we all sin and fall short of God's glory.  And because of that, we can't look down upon or get angry with others who may struggle in different ways than us.  Love God and love people.  So I guess to sum it up.. I really want God to start convicting my heart with my thoughts and my actions.  I don't want to slip into that slow fade that is so easy to do.  Also, I don't want to convict others for their actions just because I want God to convict me for mine.  I want to leave all of the convicting up to God.  And the most important thing I want to remember is to always love God and love people.           

My Determined Purpose

I have been reading Beth Moore's mini books that you find at Lifeway or other christian stores; they are about 3 or 4 chapters long and they are only a couple dollars per book.  More importantly, the information inside them is AMAZING! I have connected with Beth Moore's work more than anyone else out there.  She speaks simply, powerfully, and has an amazing amount of love for every single person God has created.

I began reading one that I received at Passion called "Purpose".  It is about discovering the purpose God has for our lives.  The main verse that this discusses is the Amplified Bible version of Philippians 3:10.  This says, "My Determined Purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person."  In this book she dissects every single word and its relation to the verse as a whole.  I am just going to talk about the first 3 words "My Determined Purpose".  

In my opinion, the reason Paul uses the word "my" first is extremely important.  This is because it is so easy to focus on the lives of others.  We are so quick look at others lives and think that they need to get their act together, or they need to change.  Often times we spend so much time doing this that we lose track of our own relationships with God.  We try to cling to the people that we love, and often this leads us thinking that we need to fix them or control them.  All the while, we haven't truly experienced God for ourselves. So back to the verse, the only person that you can determine the purpose of is yourself.

The next word is the word determined.  The word determined in the dictionary means, "the act of making or arriving at a decision; the quality of being resolute or firm in purpose; the act of settling a dispute..."  We must have a decision made up, firm in purpose, to know Christ.  I learned something really neat about the word covenant.  If you have gone to church your whole life you have probably heard that word many times, and God refers to the "new covenant" as his church.  Well, the word covenant is berett in Hebrew.  Another word for berett in the Hebrew dictionary is not only covenant, but the word determination also.  So God has not only made a new covenant, but a new determination with us through Jesus.  He will never give up on us.

The last word in that phrase is the word "purpose".  Purpose is so important to the lives of humans.  everyone seeks to know why they are here and what their purpose is.  If we have purpose to our lives, it gives us strength to get through almost anything that we face.  It is so common to live your life doing many different things everyday, but not doing any of them well.  But God has designed a purpose to each of our lives, and once we have that we have a feeling of fulfillment.

Now go back and read Philippians 3:10.  "My Determined Purpose".  As you read think about how those three words impact the meaning of that verse, and think about what an amazing purpose God has called us to.  If that verse is YOUR DETERMINED PURPOSE, then I believe that it has the power to transform every part of your life.  

Put God Above Everything

       I came across a quote the other day that I found very applicable to life.  It said, "A roller coaster wouldn't be too much fun if you couldn't get off of it."  So often life is just like this.  Recently I have felt like my life is constantly up and down.  Some days I will find myself higher than ever.  I am so content with my walk with Christ, and I feel extremely blessed.  Other days I feel down.  I still know that I am blessed, I just choose not to think about it.  Instead I think of the negative aspects of my life.  I know that I can't do this alone and that I need God's word to help heal me.  However, on these days it seems I attempt to convince myself that there are other easier ways of healing: people, movies, music, my own strength.  And in the end, these things may truly bring happiness to my life.  But they will not bring joy.  The happiness I receive from spending thirty minutes on pinterest fades as soon as I get off of the website.  The Joy I feel from reading God's word for thirty minutes does not fade when I get done.  So why is it always so difficult to decide to read my bible instead of waste away time on the internet?  Especially when God is yearning for me to spend more time with him.

       It seems that every day is a new battle for me when it comes to spending time with my maker.  Everyday that I put him off, I am putting something else above him.  Then, I wonder why I have so much doubt and worry and trouble and sadness in my life.  I thought about one of my favorite verses and that is Matthew 6:34.  I opened my bible and turned to that passage, but instead I read the verses 25-34.  I noticed something that I have never noticed before about these verses.  Verse 33 reads, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."  It goes on into verse 34 that says, "Do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

       What stuck out to me about this was the part of verse 33 that said SEEK FIRST.  I have to put God above everything in my life before I can give him all of my worrying.  What I think I am trying to get at is this...  If I want to feel the joy that God is offering me, I need to take time and persistently communicate with him.  He must come first in my life.  That is when I will receive the peace and joy that he is begging me to take.