A Slow Fade

Tonight I want to talk about something that has really been placed on my heart recently.  I was at The Walk last wednesday where there was a guest speaker.  To be honest, I didn't really expect to feel anything differently than going to church every other week, but it was different.  He began to share his testimony and like any other..  His past was filled with drugs and alcohol and then he had a come to Jesus moment.  But what was different about his was that before he fell into that life of sin, he was in seminary and had been raised in the church his whole life.  He went on talking saying that it was a slow fade.  The first thing I thought about when he said those two words was the Casting Crowns song "Slow Fade".  This is the chorus: "It's a slow fade when you give yourself away.  It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray.  Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away.  People never crumble in a day, it's a slow fade."  That really hit me.  Because honestly, I can see how easy it is to make small choices that will lead to large problems in my life.  These small choices to not read my bible, to not journal, to not pray, and to not surround myself with positive influences cause me to begin to not feel convicted when thoughts go through my brain.  Like it says in the song, "It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray."  I feel like this is real in just about every aspect of my life.  Growing up and even until recently, choices have been very black and white.  I am either right or wrong, good or bad.  Now, I have started seeing things that would have been wrong and saying, "well it isn't that bad if I really think about ..".  This is why lately I've really been asking God for conviction.  I want to be convicted about not only my actions, but about my thoughts as well.  Because, if I am convicted in my thoughts, there is a less chance that I will follow through with my actions.  Just as importantly, help me not place judgement on people that sin in different ways than I do.  Just because I want to be convicted about my sins, does not mean that others want me convicting them.  It is so important to remember that we all sin and fall short of God's glory.  And because of that, we can't look down upon or get angry with others who may struggle in different ways than us.  Love God and love people.  So I guess to sum it up.. I really want God to start convicting my heart with my thoughts and my actions.  I don't want to slip into that slow fade that is so easy to do.  Also, I don't want to convict others for their actions just because I want God to convict me for mine.  I want to leave all of the convicting up to God.  And the most important thing I want to remember is to always love God and love people.